I’m actually concerned for boys who complain about how different girls look without makeup. Like did you think eyeshadow permanently alters a girls eyelid? Are you frightened when people change clothes
I think they’re concerned that they’re somehow being deceived.
Indeed, the idea of ‘winning the girl’ – of overcoming female objections or resistance through repeated and frequently escalating efforts – is central to most of our modern romantic narratives. …
(click through for the full article)
This is why I *never* use this plot structure in my romances. Ever.
— The Creepiness Question (via giidas)
The last panel cracks me up. Stars.
I must have reblogged this like ten times by now
This might go on the always-reblog list.
Just 4 Fun by dirtyiron
This is why a tentacle monster needs to be properly trained.
As with all other areas of human interaction, there are always nuances, complexities, and difficulties. Consent is no exception. It’s not a binary condition.
That’s why enthusiastic consent is important. Negotiated, eyes wide open, fully informed, enthusiastic consent. When you’ve got that, there are no worries. And that’s damn sexy.
Persuaded consent is still consent, but it’s a nuanced consent that can lead to difficulties down the line. Coerced consent isn’t consent at all, it’s emotional blackmail. And since one person’s persuaded consent is another’s coerced consent, it’s best to stay out of that territory.
Getting further along toward the “enthusiastic” side of the spectrum we have suggested consent. One person wants to have sex, the other isn’t really thinking about sex at all, but once the suggestion is made, they decide, “Hey, that’s a pretty good idea after all.” One could argue that there’s some persuasion going on, but it’s pretty mild.
When people say, “there’s no such thing as consensual sex, there’s just sex; anything else is rape” they’re applying a binary condition to something that’s just not binary. It’s a continuum that goes from “very bad” on one side to “very good” on the other, with varying degrees of badness in between. The only sex that’s completely free of badness is when everyone involved is fully informed, in full posession of their faculties, with no possible regrets.
Which never happens.
People are complicated. They have doubts, both in themselves and in their partners, some of which they may not even be aware of themselves. Consent is never perfect. It may be 99.99% pure, but there’s always that hundredth of a percent of badness going on. It’s just human nature.
When “rampages” happen, especially those that have facets that relate to sex and relationships, one of the things I often think about is “What can I do to help? What can I do to change things?”
When the only tool you feel confident in is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a Loki. The tool I’m confident in is fiction, but I am beginning to doubt the efficacy of that tool in this particular situation.
The people who would need to receive the messages that yes, women are human beings and no, they don’t owe anyone sex, not for any reason andthe way to attract a woman’s romantic attention is to be a decent human being, not to ‘wear her down’ won’t be reading my work, and even if they are they probably wouldn’t catch the metaphor, and even if they did they probably wouldn’t digest it.
No, I have another role, other than author, that may in some small measure make the world a better place, and that’s as a father.
So here is my resolution: I am going to sit down with my son, and lay down the means by which one properly woos a woman in the twenty-first century. Hopefully, with careful coaching, he will not go out into the world as a neanderthal, a Visigoth, or a cad, but as a modern gentleman.